One Blindfold At A Time...

I was talking to my friend today about how God reveals life to us.
He mentioned that a blindfold had been removed, be he could still not see clearly.
I thought about this... probably a lot deeper than he meant it to mean.
I feel as if... we have many blindfolds on as we're growing older, but the opacity is low, making each blind fold partially transparent.
Each blindfold is removed by God through our experiences; victories, as well as failures.
As each one is removed, the end seems a little clearer.
But I think that as each on is removed, other blindfolds may appear.
As new things come up in our lives, a blindfold is added.
Blindfolds that may partially hide something new.

I imagine it kind of as if you had a box of transparencies, (the clear papers that are used on over head projectors) and at the bottom of the box, there is a beautiful picture.
Every time you remove a transparency from the box, you can see a little more of the picture.
The lines, colors and shapes become clearer each time.
I think it's the same in life, with my imaginary blindfolds.
Each time God removes one, He reveals another part of the beautiful picture of my life.
And I also think that the removal of each blindfold not only reveals the picture, but it may even alter it.
Like everything I go through that ends up in the removal of one or more blindfolds, changes who I will be.
And what the picture of my life will look like.

When our lives are done, not every blindfold be gone.
I know that there will still be things in our lives that will never be revealed to us before we die.
Like, what color nothing was before God created color...
And other things that we can't ever answer here on earth, with our earthly knowledge.
But what is revealed when we are done living, will be amazing.

My Church Life

This blog is totally random.. but I was talking to my friend about church, and how we chose the one we attend now...

Here's my church life in a nutshell...

"I love my church. It's so easy to hang with God there.
I went to a church closer to my house for like... 6 years. Then we realized that it was going no where fast. Then they fired our youth pastor with no intention of getting a new one. So we left and we were without a church for 9 months... It was pretty terrible... Then we found Rock Family and loved it. So we've been there a little over a year. It's also where most of my real friends are.

At my old church, we were never challenged to actually live for God... we were just told to come to church and listen to the pastor say exactly what he said last week... and then we were considered good people.
Rock Family and Northe actually INSPIRE me... rather than just telling me what I should know, they tell me what I should know, and how to live it out, and how to teach other people to live it out in a godly way."

So yeah... sorry that was... yes. My blog is actually not meant to entertain you... it's more for me to get whatever out of my head... and be able to read later.

People Let Me Tell Ya...

So let me tell you about this friend I have... I met her... about four years ago when I was in 6th grade, attending Pikes Peak School of Expeditionary Learning. I met Nikki Pruitt in my sixth grade, and she was in 7th because she had skipped ahead. We talked like... twice that entire year. So then came 7th grade for me. The 7th and 8th grade classes had been mixed together, then split in half. So some 8th graders were in a class with some 7th graders... for two classes. Nikki Pruitt was put in my class... and she very suddenly became my best friend. Since then, she's the person I have seen the most outside of scheduled events (school, youth group, etc.). We share almost too many interests and partake in many of the same activities. We enjoy doing so many things together, and we always have so so so so so much fun together! We are both running after God with all our hearts, and love youth group. =] So there's the intro... hahah...

So the other day, we both attended the Desperation service where we were called to reveal our secrets... My secret was the fear of love... (explained in last post). My brothers had recently found these bikes that they wanted to buy, but they were only in the Wal-Mart in the town 12 miles from my house, where Nikki lives.
My mother knows just how much I love Nikki, and how I give up... a ton just to be with her for a day... so she had a plan: she'd drive to Wal-Mart, me and my two brothers in the car... but before shopping for the bikes, she'd leave me at Nikki's house so I could be with her while they were shopping.
I called Nikki and asked her what she thought about this, and she agreed that it was a lovely idea. Her, and her two sisters, Alyssa and Mel, were already shopping at that same Wal-Mart.
When we got there, Nikki ran out to greet me.. we danced in circles in the parking lot for a few seconds.... Literally... we danced =P And I accidentally smacked her with my bag... so we stopped. Haha... so then we walked into the store with my mother and brothers, and found Mel and Alyssa right inside the door...
So the four of us went to Nikki's house in Alyssa's car. =D Happy day!
And it turns out... the reason I had my bag (sorry I didn't say this earlier) was because I was invited to stay the night at the Pruitt's house!!!
When we got there... we made diner then sat and watched some show that I don't even remember... When Nikki and I were done eating, we decided to walk to the park near their house. We had also found one of those... drainage tunnels... where water runs through when it rains... but this one was big!!! We could stand up in it! Hah which isn't saying a lot about how tall it is... because we're short... but... anyway, we sat in there for a little... then went back to the park to swing... then home.

The greatest part about being with Nikki, is talking to her... and hahah it's funny... the best talking we ever do, is when we're in bed trying to fall asleep... but haha we just keep talking...
We talked about everything that had been going on in out rlives lately, deep things, stupid things, silly things... everything. So I decided that I was ready to tell Nikki my secret from Desperation. I hadn't told anyone before this other than Aaron Wagner, and my blog. So I told her my secret... and she freaked out! I thought she was going to start laughing hysterically... which she did... but only because... my secret, was the exact same as hers!!!!!! So we got quite excited! I can't even explain how excited we were... I almost broke my $160 phone... hahaha I was excited! I love her so much!

That's all.... =P

Thanking God for Nikki,
Hannah

Right Now...

So, for quite a long time... many many years, I've have been crying out to God asking what I'm supposed to do with my life... I'm so so so very excited for whatever it may be! And I cannot wait until I know what it is.. or at least have a clue so that I can start!
So until then, I really have no idea what I am supposed to be doing! I'm running hard after God... doing everything to the best of my ability, hoping that sometime God will decide I'm ready to know what to do.
There are so many things I want to do and I'm so inspired by so many things, but which one has anything to do with who I'm becoming?
I know that each interest and talent is shaping me right now, but I don't know which ones I'm supposed to let take over?!
I've been to many youth camps, retreats, and conferences. At every single one, one, or more, of the speakers say something along these lines: Now ask God what you calling is.
And I do! With all my heart, every time... I'm listening with everything I have, trying to show God how much I really would truly love to know... but never have I've heard, felt, or seen anything with any significance. The only thing I've ever seen was an image of a cookie rolling on it's side. Man, do I wish I had a Joshua or what?! Someone who God would speak through and tell me what all this, my life, means!!!

That Fragile Heart of Mine...

Tonight at the Desperation Conference, Aaron Stern spoke on the process of revealing our secrets. The kind of secrets he described that we need to let out, I don’t have. But God showed me a secret that I do have. I have this terrible fear of letting myself fall in love.
Here’s exactly what I wrote right after revealing my secret to myself at Desperation:
“Tonight, we talked about the process of revealing our secrets. We wrote them on cards and were asked to bring them to the front and lay them on the stairs of the stage. Mine was… a secret. Clearly… but it was about my fear of falling in love. I can’t decide weather or not this was the right kind of secret. But that’s mine. I don’t want to get over it because of it. I don’t want to no be afraid of falling in love, simply because I’m afraid of it. Goodness… I know exactly what I’m trying to say, but how to put it into words, I have no idea! God! Please help me understand! I’m so afraid of being rejected by the guy of my dream. I’m afraid I’ll fall madly in love with someone who just sees me as another stupid girl who doesn’t know what she wants.”
I don’t understand why I’m so afraid though, because at the same time that I’m freaking out over it… I’m so so very excited! I can’t wait to fall in love. But I really don’t want to because I’m afraid that I’ll get hurt, and he’ll move on with life with no reason to care about me, because I was just another girl to him.

And I know... I don't need to be falling head over heals in love with anyone right now... and I don't plan to. But these post are simply what's going on in my head. And yes... I know none of it makes sense.

Sandals

*Alright… So I really did pick a terrible time to be inspired… Because I have five minutes to write this! Bedtime at 12… you know how that is, eh?
So anyway… I attended a youth conference tonight called Desperation, hosted by New Life. Worship has always been my favorite way to hang with God… and Desperation’s worship is incredible! I love how there is a massive crowd of youth worshiping together.. So then if one kid doesn’t get into… It won’t bring the whole group down along with it.
I was so very much into worship tonight, singing my heart out… No paying any attention to the real lyrics the majority of the time… but half way through… I looked down.. And I realized that I was no longer wearing my shoes! I love this because without shoes… I feel so free! I feel like I can pretty much do anything.
So I love worshiping without my shoes on… it’s beautiful!
I was talking to my friend, Aaron Wagner, the other night about Moses. Aaron is… brilliant and looks at things in a way that I could never think of… so I’m quite glad he’s there to explain… everything to me. He was talking about what he thought the significance of Moses removing his sandals in the presence of the burning bush.
He recapped the story in a way… mentioning how God had appeared, and Moses left his job as a shepherd for a few moments… and how God told Moses to remove his shoes… for the ground he stood on was holy ground.
Aaron first asked me… who made the ground? God made the earth on which Moses stood… then he asked me… who made Moses? God created Moses. But who made the sandals Moses was wearing that separated Moses’ feet from the holy ground? Man did. Aaron talked about how a lot of the time… we come to worship and we try so hard to get into it… but the world is in our way. Like a wall between you and God… or sandals between your feet and the ground.
I thought about this a lot today while worshiping. When I realized my shoes had come off… I found that I was so much more able to dig into God. Maybe for you… it’s not your shoes… it May not even be an article of clothing… or even a man made, tangible object. It could possibly be a thought, or an image… Or even the person standing right next to you.
I also found myself worshiping… or trying my best to worship when I had my friends, Chelsea and Emily worshiping next to me. I was into it and God was right there! But I was too caught up in the fact that my friends were there… that it didn’t occur to me… that God wanted to be with them as well… but not with me.
I went up to the front later, I had brought my friend, Joy, with me. I was worshiping like mad… then Joy told me she had to go. I was nervous because she was the only one on that side of the large room that I knew… I freaked out a little… but then God told me… pretty much… “hey?! Silly Hannah! Don’t you realize that she was in between us?” This has really nothing to do with Joy, just that fact that she was my comfort. I wasn’t comfortable worshiping without her there… So was my worship with her… was it really serious? Or was it like… a show for myself? But after she had left… it was as if I had removed my sandals once again.
God made the earth on which Moses had stood… but He didn’t make the floor of New LIfe Church… so for me… it wasn’t fully the fact that my feet could touch one of God’s beautiful creations, but it was more… kind of a display God put on for me. And now I understand.
But oh man… it’s 12:14… meaning… 14 minutes pasted time to be done…

With shoes off,
Hannah

*Thank you, Aaron, for all your brilliance. I apologize if this was not at all what you were trying to say... But this is what I got from it... and it was good. =P

Written July 17, 2008