Tonight at the Desperation Conference, Aaron Stern spoke on the process of revealing our secrets. The kind of secrets he described that we need to let out, I don’t have. But God showed me a secret that I do have. I have this terrible fear of letting myself fall in love.
Here’s exactly what I wrote right after revealing my secret to myself at Desperation:
“Tonight, we talked about the process of revealing our secrets. We wrote them on cards and were asked to bring them to the front and lay them on the stairs of the stage. Mine was… a secret. Clearly… but it was about my fear of falling in love. I can’t decide weather or not this was the right kind of secret. But that’s mine. I don’t want to get over it because of it. I don’t want to no be afraid of falling in love, simply because I’m afraid of it. Goodness… I know exactly what I’m trying to say, but how to put it into words, I have no idea! God! Please help me understand! I’m so afraid of being rejected by the guy of my dream. I’m afraid I’ll fall madly in love with someone who just sees me as another stupid girl who doesn’t know what she wants.”
I don’t understand why I’m so afraid though, because at the same time that I’m freaking out over it… I’m so so very excited! I can’t wait to fall in love. But I really don’t want to because I’m afraid that I’ll get hurt, and he’ll move on with life with no reason to care about me, because I was just another girl to him.
And I know... I don't need to be falling head over heals in love with anyone right now... and I don't plan to. But these post are simply what's going on in my head. And yes... I know none of it makes sense.
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